Journal Entry #3
WORRY:1. to be or cause to be anxious or uneasy, especially about something uncertain or potentially dangerous 2. To disturb the peace of mind of; bother
FEAR: 1. A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger. 2. A state or condition marked by this feeling: living in fear.
This one is a long one so grab a hot tea, a chocolate bar and get ready. Let the transparency begin..
Fear and worry. What an awful invention. Two things I use to struggle with and still to this day have to to work through.
For many of you, you may already know this but.. 2012 started really rough for me and my family. It allowed me to miss 2011 even more because it was a nicer year.
My mom received bad news from the doctor and shortly after that she had passed out at Macaroni grill causing herself to hit her head on the concrete floor waking up a major concussion, a giant knot on her head, and being rushed to the hospital.
My 82 year old grandma who is so incredibly dear to my heart and sharp as a really sharp knife was in a car accident that caused her to break 7 ribs, broke her ankle, foot, and displaced her knee cap. She had to spend weeks in the hospital - weeks in the rehabilitation center and once she was out she was remitted for pneumonia. During that time my great uncle passed away from the horrid illness…cancer.
I have two sisters and they both are my best friends. I can literally talk to them about anything and during this time one of my best friends moved to Colorado. Though, I am so happy for her to start a new life with her husband as they open up a practice, it was so hard to say bye to her especially during this rough patch. I just wanted to keep hugging her and not watch her truck and trailer drive away.
My Spanish teacher who I had known for 7 years and taught me for 4 years passed away. He was such an incredible man. He gave me words of advice that money can not buy and that is “believe half of what you see and none of what you here”.
Seeing my mom in the ER, my grandma all bruised and in pain in the hospital for weeks and in the most depressing rehabilitation center ever, knowing the passing of my great uncle and the effect it had on my family, regretting how I did a horrible job on staying in touch with Dr. Fitch, and watching my sisters trailer drive away was hard. With in a month and a half, a simple call to my phone made me crawl. I was worried and fearful for what kind of news I would hear on the other end. Questions of “I know things happen for a reason but why all at once?” There is no doubt I dealt with anxiety and the emotions of death. I dealt with stomach aches, headaches, and tears. I’d like to think its only the first of the year but so much has happened in 2 months that I was really worried on what the next 10 months would be like. I knew my family and I were experiencing this for a reason. I learned the value of family, friendships, grace, peace, strength, faith, life, death, worry, fear, healing, and never ending love.
If you are going through anxiety or worry here are 4 little things that worked for me and may work for you.
#1. If you pray— I prayed and journaled for peace every single day. Every single moment I felt it creeping and the moment I prayed it was the moment I felt the rush of peace flood through my heart and mind.
#2. If you don’t pray— Journaling. “Journaling is one of the easiest and most powerful ways to accelerate your personal development. By getting your thoughts out of your head and putting them down in writing, you gain insights you’d otherwise never see.” Steve Pavlina did a post on journaling and I totally 100% believe that.
#3. Distractions— It was so important for me to stay productive. If I stayed productive it distracted my mind from wandering and thinking the worst case scenarios. Whether it was listening to empowering music while working, hanging out with friends, having a girls night, going to see movies, frozen yogurt dates, sketching until you fill up the whole page, cleaning the house over and over and over again, doing crafts (I did DIY Valentines Day cards), visited The High Museum of Art, bake cookies, more frozen yogurt dates, get a tattoo haha, and rearrange your living room are just some of the few that helped me keep my mind active.
#4 Healing— Sometimes when you have experienced moments that hurt or situations that cause fear, coping with what has happened is so important. It’s natural to want to forget rather than cope. Some say “You can’t change what has happened so why think about it” and that is totally true. You can’t change what has happened but you still need to deal and process what you are feeling. I had to face my fears. I asked myself “if X happened how would I want to handle it?” I didn’t want to ignore or mask the problems I had to confront them and work through it.
I learn through trial and error. I definitely don’t think I have all the answers when dealing with anxiety but these were some things that helped me :)